What are the odds of Obama being related to 1st American slave?

There is no way hell that the first American slave could be related to Obama - on his mother's side, supposedly.

No, I'm sorry, there is no way.

"A team of genealogists has found evidence that Barack Obama..." (panting) could be, it might be, it could be, it is, slave blood.  That's right.  The first recorded slave. Not just any old slave, but Obama's slave blood is traceable to the first slave, which, after Eve was created, was Adam.  I kid.  Here's the story. 

"A team of genealogists has found evidence that President Barack Obama could be a descendent of an African slave -- but not through the lineage of his black father, the most likely route researchers had followed and exhausted." Oh, yeah, there has been an exhaustive search.  They've been searching DNA, red blood cells, white blood cells, blue blood, red blood, white, they've been search everything.  They've been tracing markers and guardrails, anything they could find, and they'd exhausted it all.  "The link, genealogists with Ancestry.com said Monday --" yesterday, for those of you in Rio Linda, "-- is, in fact, through an examination of his white mother’s family history.  'We were surprised and excited to make that connection,' said Joseph Shumway, a member of the Utah-based Ancestry.com team.

"Obama’s father was from Kenya and his mother was from Kansas. It had been generally assumed that the president had no slave ancestors..." Remember, Democrats couldn't stop talking about this during the '08 campaign. It was all about whether Obama was authentic.  Remember that?  The real reason the Reverend Sharpton was not in the tank from the get-go was because Biden was out there talking about finally the Democrats had a clean, articulate black guy.  And Sharpton said, well, I take showers, what do you mean? How come Obama's the first clean guy?  So he wasn't on board.  And then, folks, I'm not making it up, trying to be funny.  I know it sounds funny.  There was an ongoing debate of Obama's authenticity.  You can't, in the Democrat Party, be an authentic black unless you have ancestral traces to the Deep South and slavery.  'Cause you're not down for the struggle otherwise. 

If you don't have a provable, documentable genealogical trace to slavery, then you are not down for the struggle, and questions of -- (interruption)  Well, yeah, you have to be marching, too.  I mean that was qualifier number two, you had to march.  But a lot of people marched that were not with slave blood.  Well, Heston marched.  James Garner marched.  A lot of people who weren't alive then marched!  Just listen to 'em tell you.  By now, everybody, every white liberal marched. Every white liberal in Hollywood marched. 

But, anyway, I'm getting distracted here.  "Researchers couldn’t find it through the lineage of his father. However, no one had yet performed any exhaustive research into the lineage of his white mother, who turns out to have a mixed-raced family history. Ancestry.com now said the maternal line traces back to one of the first documented African slaves." Folks, it's not just slave blood. It goes back to slave number one.  They find this in late July during the summer of Obama's reelection campaign.  He's now authentic.  They're breathlessly reporting all of this.  However, folks, if you actually read the article that AP writes you'll see that the researchers say they cannot establish a definitive link because of gaps in the Punch family history.